How to Love Yourself ...

My flaws make me beautiful and unique. My traits and characteristics make me beautiful in every sense of the word, and no one can bring me down. But most importantly, self-love means I am proud of the person I see every day looking back at me in through the mirror. Learning how to love yourself is one of the best things you can for you and your children.

As a society, we are taught to “embrace” and “love” ourselves by hiding behind gimmicks such as makeup, clothes, different types of accessories, music, art, etc., in order to be accepted by those around us. However, most of us get lost behind all these tricks and never truly come to find who we are and what exactly is that we need to love about ourselves and what makes us unique.

For instance, I was taught that a woman looks her best when her hair and makeup are on point. This means, I have to be in the beauty salon at least once a week and spend 30 to 60 minutes in front of a mirror every day. In other words, I have to hide my natural hair and my features for others to accept who I am and call me beautiful. My curly hair and bare-face is called unacceptable, even to my family members.

I have never been the type of woman to spend hours on trying to achieve the perfect look because I think its pointless to take 3 hours or more to get ready when you can take this time and invest it in something more meaningful and fulfilling. Nevertheless, I became a victim of the vicious beauty cycle described above for many years. I would spend money and time at the salon just to “look my best” and try to get my makeup right to not look like clown (which I did sometimes anyway, lol).

I grew tired of the routine. It creates a slave out of you. Once your hair is done, you have to take into account the weather, your sleeping habits, and how you shower, among others. In my case, I have oily hair which means that if I get my hair done today, two days later its already sticking to my scalp and I have to re-do it all over again. I have no time for that. And lets not even get into the makeup situation. It’s another horror story.

Because of all these factors and the fact that I will be bringing life into this world, I decided it's time to change. I don’t want to be a slave to my own body. I no longer want to be loved by others by not being my true self, and I need to be the difference I want to see on a daily basis.

I will not lie to you. The shift/transformation was not easy. Especially when you see the looks you get from those you love most. My husband, my family and friends are still getting used to seeing my curls and my makeup free face. I woke up one day and decided that enough was enough. I needed to do something to show myself that this society does not define who I am. And yes, I know you might think that I only decided to make some of these changes because natural hair is on trend right now. But trust me, it has nothing to do with that.

I haven’t had the chance to officially meet my child, and I can’t wait for it, but when that happens I want to be mentally and physically prepared to let him know he is perfect the way he is, and that no one, not even me, has the authority to define him. I have to be ready to address his insecurities and dislikes when the time comes. I can’t do that if I’m still dealing with my own.

Do not get me wrong; I do not criticize those women that always have their hair and makeup done. I admire them because I know how hard it is. Do they look beautiful? Of course they do. Sometimes I wish I had the dedication, but it's something within you and your personality. I can’t change who I am and I'm not trying to change anyone else.

However, I do challenge you to try and see yourself for who you truly are. Stop the hair, the makeup, the brands, the “extra” everything for a while and then tell me how it made you feel. It’s not easy, trust me, I know. You always have someone reminding you that you forgot to put your face on this morning, or that you lost your hair brush. These are the mind games society has implanted in all of us so we stick to the status quo. None of us is supposed to stand out but rather be one of the many. It is your time to show yourself you were born a unique individual. Forget what others think of you, and ask yourself, what do you think about yourself?