Since it’s unpleasant, uncomfortable and sometimes even hard to deal with someone who betrays you, here are a few very helpful tips on how to deal with a backstabbing friend. A backstabber is someone who just pretends to be your friend but who does things that hurt you. Backstabbing is just a form of manipulation and someone who acts this way is an insecure, disloyal and dishonest person who just tries to double-cross you. It’s not easy dealing with this kind of toxic friend but there are a lot of ways you can confront them. Here are a few very helpful tips on how to deal with a backstabbing friend that you should consider:
Snapshot Survey
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Please subscribe for your personalized newsletter:
1. Understand Their Motivation for Backstabbing You
One of the most important things you can do if you want to learn how to deal with a backstabbing friend is to understand their motivation for acting this way. Are they having problems making or keeping close friendships? Are they jealous of you or are they trying to impress someone else?
***
Sometimes, insecurities or past experiences can lead to such behavior. Reflect on whether you notice patterns of competitiveness or if they've had turbulent friendships before. Empathy can be tough, especially if you're hurting, but understanding their reasons can help you navigate your response to the situation. Knowledge is empowerment—it can transform how you perceive the situation, allowing you to decide whether to address the issue head-on, create boundaries, or perhaps realize that this friendship may not align with your values and emotional well-being.
2. Confront the Backstabber
The next thing you should do is to try to confront the backstabber so you can clarify the things that bother you and to find out exactly what made them act this way. Just talk to them, call them, send them a message or an e-mail and ask them to meet with you so you can sort things out.
Frequently asked questions
It's tough, right? Often, you'll hear things they've said about you from others, or you'll notice they're not being honest to your face. Trust your gut if something feels off.
First, take a moment to breathe and think. It's tough to deal with betrayal. Sometimes, having an honest conversation with them can clear things up. But if you feel they're not truly sorry, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship.
Absolutely! But do it when you're calm. Try to find out why they did it and express how it made you feel. Remember, it's important to protect your own peace of mind.
That's a personal choice. Forgiveness can be freeing, but it doesn't mean you have to keep them close. It really depends on if you think they deserve another chance.
Set clear boundaries and be cautious with whom you share personal details. It's always okay to be selective about who you let into your inner circle. Keep your mental health a priority!
3. Prepare Your Approach
Before confronting your so-called friend, try to prepare your approach so that you will know what you want to say to them. This way, you won’t forget anything important and you will be able to discuss all those things that are bothering you. Just put together a list of things you want to talk about with them and rehearse it before you meet with them.
4. Stay Calm
The best way to confront someone who backstabbed you is by staying calm and by avoiding being rude or aggressive. Just take an assertive approach, show them that you are interested in understanding them and that you’re not quick to judging them. Control your temper and don’t use judgmental statements. Maintain eye contact, stay relaxed and speak calmly.
5. Listen to Their Response
Even if it’s hard to control your temper and you’re tempted to accuse them of hurting you, try to keep an open mind and listen to their response. They might have a good explanation for what happened or you could even discover that you need to apologize to them too, because something that you did made them act this way.
6. Forgive Them
Even if you think that they don’t deserve it, try to forgive them because it’s not healthy holding a grudge against someone. Do it for yourself if you don’t want to do it for them. It may be a bit difficult at first but once you will understand that this way you can win your friend back (if you wish to,) you will realize that it is worth it.
7. Build Back Trust
Once you decide to forgive your friend, the next thing you should do is to try to slowly build back trust. Don’t let the issue block your ability to share secrets and be honest with your friends. Just allow that person who hurt you to prove you that you can trust them again and that they are really sorry for what they did.
It’s not easy dealing with a backstabbing friend but if you have enough patience and if you take the time to find out what motivated them to act this way, then you will realize that it’s not that hard to solve the unpleasant situation.
Have you ever dealt with a backstabbing friend? How did you do it? Do you know any other tips on how to deal with a backstabbing friend? Please share your thoughts with us in the comments section!
Sources:
wikihow.com
wikihow.com
wikihow.com
Comments
Kimmi: Well said, Aria.
fattom: i agree with karen ..the best thing is to cut them off ur life and move on
Monika: Friends don't stab each other in the back. That's a toxic friend. Cut them off.
eshazafar: i mnot agree with last step if they did backstabbing then they can do it again
KaReN: they'll just keep stabbing you in the back again and again if you forgive them and "build the trust". its the same as once a cheater, always a cheater!
Erkannn: Interesting
Cookie85: It depends on the situation. What did they do to betray you're trust if it was something major the best thing to do is to move on and cutt ties with the toxic friend. There's no need to have a toxic friend around. Because in the end you're better off without them.
Tots: Naaaahhh. Just forgive them and cut them off your life. 😊
Cartèlea: Forgive them? I do not think so!
Aria: This is all well and good but most back stabbers don't even have the decency to talk it out with you. This article is a bit rosy, and naive. I wouldn't forgive a back stabber, why try to regain trust? Move on, there's plenty of other ppl out there to befriend. If you keep a (former) back stabber as a friend, you will always be stressed and suspicious in the friendship. Not worth it.
:
Feedback Junction
Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge