Are you fed up of your friend always doing better than you or having more than you? No matter your achievement, she always has to trump it. Every little thing you are proud of having or achieving, she just has to have something better or do it better. As much as you may love her, a show off friend can soon become no friend at all. There are ways to deal with one-upmanship – here’s how:
Snapshot Survey
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Please subscribe for your personalized newsletter:
1. Interrupt Her when She is Talking
If your friend is a complete show-off and you do not want to engage or encourage her, then be rude. Interrupt her. It is really annoying because you are stealing her thunder. As she boasts about how the ants in her house where bigger than anything she has ever seen, interrupt her with a story about the anteater you saw on YouTube that was caught swimming in a local outdoor pool.
***
Interrupting can be effective, but always gauge the situation first—doing so might make her pause and realize that she's not the only one with an interesting story to tell. However, it's a delicate balance between making your point and being outright disrespectful. If you're aiming to gently nudge the conversation into a more inclusive direction, try interjecting with "Oh, that reminds me of something similar I came across," before diving into your own anecdote. It's a subtler way to steer the spotlight without completely disregarding her narrative. Just remember, the goal isn't to outdo but to share the stage.
2. Start a Side Conversation Quietly
This is also very annoying for “toppers.” As she is boasting away about how hers is bigger, better and sexier than somebody else’s, lean over to someone on your left or right and start a quiet conversation. It is not intentionally rude, but it will annoy the person that is doing all the boasting.
***
Engaging someone else in an aside sets a subtle boundary, signaling that the one-upper's narrative isn't monopolizing your attention. Choose topics tangential to the braggart's spiel, such as plans for the weekend or a new restaurant you’ve been meaning to try. The key is to maintain a delicate balance: your interjection should be discreet enough to avoid open confrontation, yet evident enough to prick the bubble of the boastful monologue. This tactic gently asserts that the conversational stage is shared, rather than a solo platform for grandiosity.
Frequently asked questions
Usually, folks show off because they want to feel important or get attention. It might be their way of feeling valued or boosting their self-esteem. Everyone has different reasons, often rooted in insecurities.
Dealing with a show-off friend can be tricky. Try to stay calm, don't compete with them, and change the topic if needed. If it's really bothering you, have a gentle conversation about how their behavior makes you feel.
You can acknowledge what they’re saying but subtly shift the focus. Something like, 'Wow, that sounds interesting! By the way, did you hear about…?' works well to change the topic without confrontation.
Absolutely! Approach the situation with kindness. Maybe say something like, 'I appreciate your enthusiasm, but sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. Can we talk about something else?' This can help set boundaries without hurting feelings.
It's okay to want recognition, but balance is key. Try to understand why you feel the need to show off and find other ways to feel good about yourself. Sharing your achievements is fine, just do it in a way that doesn’t overshadow others.
3. Yawn
If you let out a big yawn whilst the person is talking, it lets them know that they are boring and that you are bored. Make a playful apology and say you had a late night. If you are lucky, your yawn will trigger that natural reaction in people to have a yawn and they will do a Mexican yawn around the room. You are probably thinking about yawning now aren’t you?
4. Grow up and Deal with It
Understand that some people are just jerks and you kind of have to live with it. Get out of their presence, avoid them, or cut them out of your life if you can. Otherwise, just deal with it. Let the baby have her bottle.
***
Sometimes, you'll find yourself in situations where confronting or distancing isn't an option—like with a colleague or a family member. In these scenarios, it's pivotal to build a mental shield. Practicing some emotional detachment can help you stay unscathed by their constant need to outdo everyone. Reinforce your own self-worth and remember that their behavior reflects on them, not on you. So, take a deep breath and channel your inner zen; there’s power in choosing your battles and sometimes peace lies in letting the trivial stuff slide.
5. Patronize the Very Boastful
This is still in the mean territory, but they are the ones with the low self-esteem, so patronize the person doing the boasting. “That is very good for you,” is a good one, or “It’s been a long time since you bought something nice,” is another.
***
When handling a friend who constantly tries to one-up you, it's important to tread lightly but with assertiveness. Show a little empathy with a hint of sarcasm: “Wow, you must work really hard to be this successful,” or even, “It must be tough keeping up with all these achievements.” The key is to subtly highlight their need for validation without being overtly confrontational. This allows you to acknowledge their accomplishments while also signaling that you're not deeply affected by their boasting, which may, over time, reduce their tendency to one-up.
6. Give Her No Attention
You can passively ignore people if you are in a group. Do not engage and give her no attention. Let the other people in the group plump her ego and reward her for having or doing what she does
7. Just Listen and Switch off
Maybe you don’t want to be rude, and maybe you don’t want to upset the person that is talking. If this is the case, simply listen and reply at the right moments, but switch off your brain.
This is a difficult subject if the annoying person is a good friend, you might actually consider broaching the issue with her, letting her know how you feel. On the other hand, if she needs to justify her existence by having her friends say nice things, then why not do it for her. You are not going to fix her in any way, so let her feel a little better about herself.
Your actions really depend on how much the issue bothers you. Have you got any friends who constantly try to outdo you?
Comments
CherylR: I these are all a bit immature except maybe 4. They make you just a rude as the friend and the competition never gets resolved. Maybe just stop hanging out. Nothing wrong with moving on.
Meg: The first few listed are unnecessarily rude.
Juliana: These are rude and its better to cut off the friendship than to jab at her with little gestures like these.
Julianne: You need to do something about friends that try to copy everything you do
Lizzy: I honestly don't know what to say? I do agree it was quite rude. Probably, Just moving on? would be my choice. 1 and 3 is rlly quite childish in my opinion. Yawning or interrupting?! her is rude and is a bit too far.
Jeanette: A mexican yawn?? What exactly is a "Mexican yawn"?
Michelle70501: I have a friend who always turns every conversation into a conversation about her. I've started side conversations when she starts talking. I've also excused myself and gone for a bathroom break or grab a drink.
Beatr: This is one of the first articles I have genuinely hated, it's just plain rude. I like coming here cus it gives sound advice not advice on being rude to a friend
:
Feedback Junction
Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge