Do you have a wall around your heart? Many people do, making it hard for you to let people in and for others to get close to you. Do you understand why it's in place? Perhaps there was a singular, traumatic event that caused you to build emotional walls around your heart, or perhaps those walls are the product of systematic hurts over the years. There are hundreds of reasons you might have a wall around your heart, but these are the most common – and understanding them might make it easier to let people get close to you, when their intentions are good.
1 Your Heart's Been Broken
When your heart has been broken by someone careless or cruel or even kind, it hurts. It's easily enough to make you build a wall around your heart. You don't want to fall in love again, for fear of experiencing that same level of pain. It's easy to spout cliches about how it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, and in time you'll realize that. Be protective of your heart until it heals, but don't let those walls keep you from experiencing true love when it finds you.
The pain of a broken heart can be deep and overwhelming, and it can be difficult to open up and trust again. It's natural to want to protect yourself from further hurt, and that often manifests itself in the form of a wall you build around your heart.
If you find yourself struggling to open up and trust again, here are seven reasons why you might have a wall around your heart:
Fear of rejection: You may be afraid of putting yourself out there and being rejected, so you build a wall to protect yourself from being hurt.
Past experiences: If you’ve been hurt in the past, it can be hard to open up and trust again. You may have built a wall around your heart to protect yourself from further pain.
Unresolved issues: If you have unresolved issues from past relationships, it can be difficult to move on and open up to someone new.
Lack of trust: It can be hard to trust someone if you don’t feel like you’ve been treated fairly in the past.
2 You've Suffered through the Death of a Loved One
Losing someone close to you is always hard, but losing someone to the finality of death is much worse. Knowing that you can never see or speak to your loved one again is devastating, and it's certainly enough to make anyone put up walls. However, the person you lost wouldn't want you to cut off your emotions like that. Take your time to grieve, but realize that it's better to celebrate a life forever than it is to mourn it and hold yourself back.
3 Someone Cheated on You
Being cheated on is one of the worst betrayals imaginable. It makes it incredibly hard to trust anyone else. Better to break up with someone than to betray their trust and love that way. Realize, though, that not everyone will cheat on you. If you've gone through several relationships where you've been betrayed, think about the type of men or women you've been dating. You owe it to yourself to find someone who will respect you and cherish the gift of your emotions.
4 You've Been Abused
Abuse is one of the foremost and most debilitating reasons to build a wall around your heart. Whether it's emotional, physical, mental, or sexual, it can unquestionably cause you to build protective walls around yourself, and those walls are completely understandable. Healing from abuse takes time, and some people never get over it completely. The best thing you can do is find and accept support from a group, a therapist, or a psychiatrist – whatever works best for you. With that kind of help, you can learn to heal and slowly figure out how to let others back into your life and your heart.
Abuse can have long-lasting and devastating effects on a person's life, which can make it difficult to trust and open up to others. Victims of abuse often develop a wall around their heart as a means of self-protection from further hurt and pain.
Abuse can come in many forms, such as physical, emotional, mental, and sexual. Physical abuse involves the use of physical force to cause harm or injury, such as hitting, pushing, or restraining. Emotional abuse can include verbal insults, humiliation, or manipulation. Mental abuse is when someone uses words or actions to control or manipulate another person. Sexual abuse is any form of non-consensual sexual contact or activity.
Abuse can lead to a variety of mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and substance abuse. It can also lead to physical health problems, such as chronic pain, headaches, and digestive issues. In addition, victims of abuse may experience difficulty with relationships, feelings of isolation and loneliness, and difficulty trusting others.
5 You've Been Betrayed by Friends
Sometimes being betrayed by a close friend is even worse than being betrayed by a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. Once a friend turns her back on you, stabs you in the back, or otherwise hurts and betrays you, it's difficult to open yourself up to other friends. Again, you'll need time to heal, but take a look at your other friends. Do they seem like the kinds of people who would do this to you? Don't judge all your friends by the deplorable actions of one person.
6 You Feel Abandoned
Feeling abandoned by parents, lovers, or friends is extremely hurtful. Perhaps your parents didn't give you a lot of love or attention growing up, maybe your significant other spends more time doing something else, or your friends may put distance between you. Whatever the reason, feelings of abandonment make it easier to then keep others at a distance – in essence you abandon them before they can do it to you. You need to know, though, that there will be people in your life who stand by you through thick and thin – you just have to give them the chance.
It is natural to feel abandoned at some point in life. Whether it is from parents, a significant other, or friends, it can be a painful experience. Feeling abandoned can cause you to build a wall around your heart, making it difficult to trust and open up to others.
The lack of love and attention from parents can be especially damaging. When growing up, it can make you feel like you are not good enough, that you don’t deserve love, or that you are not worthy of being loved. This can lead to a fear of getting close to others and a reluctance to open up to them.
The same can be said for a significant other who spends more time doing something else. This can make you feel neglected and unwanted, causing you to build a wall around your heart. It can also make it hard for you to trust and open up to someone else in the future.
The same can be said for friends who pull away from you. It can make you feel like you are not important to them and that you don’t belong. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and a fear of getting close to anyone else.
7 You Don't Love Yourself
If you have a wall around your heart, it may exist because you don't love yourself, and therefore can't accept love from others. To truly accept love, friendship, kindness, and acceptance from other people, you have to feel those things about yourself. If you don't, your walls may be there because you don't feel you're worthy of love or friendship.
Having a wall around your heart makes you feel protected, like nothing can hurt you. Pain can't get near you. The problem is that love and kindness can't get near you either. You have to think long and hard about why you've built up these emotional walls, and decide if they're doing more harm than good. Have you ever tried to knock down those walls? What do you have them?
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