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17 Realistic New Year's Resolutions for ...

By Lyndsie

New Year's resolutions are terrible. I won't say they're the worst because, you know, they're not, but they're still pretty heinous. Everyone automatically expects you to make them and you probably just expect yourself to make them, too. The thing is, everyone makes the same sorts of resolutions every year – lose weight, eat healthy, stop smoking, join the gym, stop wasting money – and by February, if not sooner, they're already failed endeavors. Then you just spend the rest of the winter feeling terrible about yourself for not having any willpower or goals. What would happen if we made the resolutions we really wanted to, instead of the ones we're supposed to make? I think it'd go a little something like these realistic New Year's resolutions

1 Pet as Many Animals as You Can

Pet as Many Animals as You Can Why? Because when you pet a puppy (or a kitten, or a bunny, or a ferret), you're practically guaranteed a smile.

2 Lose Some Weight

Lose Some Weight Well, I mean, it's a common enough New Year's resolution, right?

3 ...then Gain It Back Again

...then Gain It Back Again This is also a common resolution, but only because it happens so damn often. You always gain it back, always! I blame Valentine's Day and chocolate.

4 Think up an Excuse for Not Starting Yoga

Think up an Excuse for Not Starting Yoga Well, if starting yoga is one of your resolutions, you might as well get a head start on coming up with an excuse to explain why you haven't done it yet.

5 Waste Money on a Gym Membership You Never Use

Waste Money on a Gym Membership You Never Use The idea behind paying for a gym membership – that you won't possibly waste something you've spent money on – is a good one ... in theory. In practice, however, it's way, way too easy to let that membership go to waste.

6 Spend a Day Pretending like You're Really Going to Quit Social Media

Spend a Day Pretending like You're Really Going to Quit Social Media You know, spend a day not posting, sharing, liking, or tweeting, even though you're reading your timeline and refreshing your newsfeed every fifteen minutes.

7 Don't Eat Your Weight in Doughnuts

Don't Eat Your Weight in Doughnuts Now here's an excellent, health-conscious resolution! You should never eat your weight in doughnuts. You should only eat a quarter of your weight in doughnuts.

8 Don't Eat Your Weight in Chocolate

Don't Eat Your Weight in Chocolate Eat twice your weight in chocolate. Always. No exceptions.

9 Take Lots of Pictures of Your Pets

Take Lots of Pictures of Your Pets Each year has its share of bad days, but if you can scroll through pictures of your pets during your worst days, they won't seem nearly so awful.

10 Don't Quit All Your Vices

Don't Quit All Your Vices No one likes a quitter.

11 Don't Spend More than Twelve Hours on a Netflix Binge

Don't Spend More than Twelve Hours on a Netflix Binge Every twelve hours, try to get up, stretch, go to the bathroom, and give your butt time to wake up and stop tingling.

12 Pick up a New Hobby That You'll Give up on in Two Months

Pick up a New Hobby That You'll Give up on in Two Months Do you promise to try the same hobby year after year? Well, this year pick something new to give up on.

13 Try Not to Blow Your Paycheck Two Days after Getting Paid

Try Not to Blow Your Paycheck Two Days after Getting Paid The only financial advice you'll ever need.

14 Promise to Floss Regularly … Right before Every Dental Appointment

Promise to Floss Regularly … Right before Every Dental Appointment I mean, it still counts as "regularly," right? Kind of?

15 Wiki All the Classic Books You Always Say You'll Read

Wiki All the Classic Books You Always Say You'll Read Just in case anyone calls you out on your reading goals and you have to drop the mic with a plot synopsis.

16 Stop Vaguebooking

Stop Vaguebooking No, really. Stop it. STOP.

17 Do What Makes You Happy

Do What Makes You Happy This is the only resolution you ever really need.

So what are your New Year's goals, stalkers? Are you going for realistic or idealistic?

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