Have you ever been told by a friend, partner or family member that you are somewhat emotionally unavailable? Sometimes it is something that we don’t even know we are doing, and sometimes it is something that we do deliberately for a variety of reasons, but the thing that is true of both scenarios is that emotional distance is never a good thing. If you want to start cultivating more positive and intimate relationships with your friends, family and love interests, then here are some tips for how to stop being emotionally unavailable.
1. Recognize Your Fears
Your unavailability might stem from life fears that you have not yet addressed. The temptation is to turn away from the things that scare and worry us and ignore them, but the only hope you have of being able to move past them is to recognize them and face them head-on. When you actually take some time to address what is scaring you, you might find that the problems are worse in your head than in reality.
2. Trust Yourself
Lack of self-trust and conviction is often a leading cause in emotional unavailability. Perhaps you never feel like you are making the right decision or letting the right people in, so you shut the gates completely to avoid being hurt. The trick is to learn that vulnerability doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
3. Set Boundaries
Being emotionally available for someone doesn’t mean that you have to completely drop your barriers and let them into every corner of your existence. It is perfectly ok to set boundaries and let them some of the way, but not the whole way. I think I speak for most people when I say that all we hope for is even a small bit of human connection, one step at a time.
Feeling emotionally unavailable is one thing, but speaking about it is a completely different, better option. Don’t just shut down and drive people away. Sit down with them and let them know exactly what you are doing and detail the feelings you are having. They might be able to help you or adjust their own behaviors in such a way that makes you more easy and comfortable.
5. Find the Cause
There is nearly always a root cause for a person’s emotional distance. If you can take a trip down memory lane and figure out what exactly that moment or experience was for you, then you stand a much better chance of being able to undo a lot of the negative thoughts and work that have been impacting on your mind for all this time.