I have been alone during several different stages of my life, from childhood to my teen years and then as a single mother, and I spent a lot of time looking for ways to feel less lonely. In all those stages, I found myself having to cope with the void that you feel when loneliness hits. Now I am alone again and trying to cope again. No one to say hello to in the morning, no one to even acknowledge I woke up today. Yes, it is a sad feeling and now I wonder if that is why the spouse who doesn’t get the kids in the divorce tends to get into a long term relationship quicker than the one that does.
There definitely is not a timetable on getting back into a relationship, in fact I fell in love with my ex before my divorce was finalized with my other ex. It can happen, but make sure that when you do get seriously involved again, it’s because you really want to, not because you need to fill the void of loneliness. In the meantime, they say Sundays and holidays are the hardest days of the year for those who suffer from loneliness and I tend to agree. Here are some ways to feel less lonely on any day.
Researchers say the loneliest day of the week is Sunday. They also say don’t marry the person you want to be with Saturday night, but rather marry the person you would rather spend Sunday afternoon with. So, in assessing those two facts, find what you really like to do on Sunday afternoon and do it. That's one of the best ways to feel less lonely. Then go find someone who shares the same interests on a Sunday afternoon and the relationship may work out.
I personally like to spend my Sunday’s relaxing and watching TV and I don’t go online to work at all. I make it an all about me day so if I do get lonely or bored, I remind myself it’s about me and I can change what I’m doing at any time. In a bored moment I might turn on some music and dance to let off some steam or cook myself a great dinner, read a book or watch a funny movie. Any personal distraction from being alone works, so find what works for you and do it.
If you find yourself alone during the holidays remember that you are not the only one. There are thousands of people who are alone, so I remind myself we are all together in that and I don’t feel so alone anymore. I love Christmas, I always have, but it can also be sad because with the current joy you are feeling, come sad memories of loved ones we miss or “how things used to be”. Life is always changing, nothing stays the same so change the holidays with it when this happens.
Create a new tradition for yourself and your kids if you find you’re a single parent this year. Go ice skating outside or buy yourself presents early, and wrap them all in the same size boxes. It will be fun to open each box on Christmas day and remember what your secret Santa wanted you to have. If you are a single mom like I was, your kids will also like seeing you open a few for yourself, as they tear their gifts open in their typical joyful way.
Social media is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, I love it for all its perks. That said, sometimes going on your favorite site the day of a holiday or a day you are feeling lonely and seeing posts from those that aren’t lonely, makes you feel lonelier. Take a break from social media on a lonely day and get back on when you can feel happy enough to be happy for your friends.
Try to hum to yourself “don’t worry, be happy”. Seriously, this little hum is just a quick reminder that we have complete control of our feelings and that life changes and the lonely feeling we are feeling is only temporary. It's all ours, we own it, so we can change it any time. Let this hum turn into a smile, and hopefully you feel just a little better.
Lastly, here's my favorite quote on feeling lonely: "There is only one wound of the spiritual body, and that is the illusion of separation." Just try to remember we all come from one source, so therefore we are all attached somehow, and loneliness is just an illusion and completely temporary.
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