Being lied to is not something any of us want to happen, yet with it being inevitable, knowing how to confront someone that lied to you is important. Lying is a chronic habit for some people, while others may lie to prevent hurting you. Others lie to cover up their mistakes, or to get their own way. Whatever the reasoning, you need to know how to confront someone that lied to you if you believe they are deceiving you. Ignoring it will only make the issue worse, while lashing out is not the best answer either. Whether your man cheated, or your friend stabbed you in the back, read these tips for how to confront someone that lied to you so you can handle yourself smart.
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1. Trust Your Gut
If I could suggest only one thing about how to confront someone that lied to you, it would be to trust your gut! Your instincts are usually dead on, and that murky feeling you get in your stomach when you just believe something isn’t right, is usually your first sign. Even if just can’t quite put your finger on why you believe the other person is deceiving you, your inner warning sign should not be ignored.
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If you've been lied to, it can be difficult to know how to confront the person who deceived you. The most important thing to remember is to trust your gut. Your instinct is usually right, and if you get a feeling that something isn't right, don't ignore it. Although it may be difficult to put your finger on why you believe the other person is lying, it's important to take this feeling seriously.
When confronting the person who lied to you, it's important to be direct and honest. Explain why you believe the other person is lying and allow them space to explain their side of the story. It's important to remain calm and composed throughout the conversation, even if it gets heated.
It's also important to remember that although it may be difficult to forgive someone who has lied to you, it's important to be open to the possibility that they may have a valid explanation.
It's also important to take care of yourself during this process. Reach out to supportive friends and family members, and take the time to practice self-care.
Above all, trust your gut. Your instinct is usually right, and it's important to take it seriously when it comes to confronting someone who has lied to you.
2. Investigate
If you want to properly confront someone, you need to investigate little, so do some research. You can’t confront someone without substantial evidence, so get yourself plenty! Do your research. Talk to other people who might have some insight on the truth, or been part of the possible lie. If their story is different than the version of the individual's who you think lied to you, then you might have evidence to fall back on. Don’t solely rely on the Internet for signs of lying either. All deceivers are different. Don’t confront someone solely because you found some possible evidence online. It needs to be concrete if it comes from a computer, like an email by the person, something they posted on Facebook, or something you find on their computer, to be factual.
Frequently asked questions
Oh, it's tough, isn't it? First, take a deep breath and give yourself some space to process. Think about why the person might have lied. When you’re ready, calmly talk to them about it. It’s all about keeping it cool.
Absolutely! If you value your friendship, it's important to talk about it. Pick a time when you're both calm, and be honest about how their lie affected you. True friendships survive through honesty.
Oh, this is a tricky one. Relationships are built on trust. Sit him down and talk about how his lies make you feel. If he understands and wants to change, that’s a positive sign. If not, you might need to rethink the relationship.
There are a few signs to look out for: inconsistent stories, avoiding eye contact, or being overly defensive. But remember, these aren’t foolproof. Sometimes, just trusting your gut is the best way to figure it out.
It depends on the situation and the importance of the lie. If it’s a small fib and it doesn’t affect you much, maybe let it slide. But if it’s something that’s hurting you or your relationship, definitely have that conversation.
3. Put Together Your Case
Gather your evidence up and get ready, because before you confront someone, you need to have the facts in front of you. When you confront the person you think is deceiving you, they may attempt to continue lying or make excuses. Most likely, they’ll deny what you’re accusing them of, so provide proof. A receipt, text message, email, something you print off their computer or something else you find, are examples of concrete proof. Be sure what you find backs up clear evidence when putting together your case against their lie.
4. Make Your Confrontation
When the time has come to finally confront the person lying to you, don’t say, “You’re a liar!” or lash out otherwise. These things probably won’t get you very far and will cause the person to throw up defenses, not give you an admission or apology. Instead, show them the evidence and mention that you suspect what they’ve told you isn’t true. Then tell them you want to know what really happened, no matter what that means. Most often, in this calm manner, when given the opportunity and evidence is provided, most liars will come clean, and actually feel relieved doing so. If they don’t, and you know your evidence is concrete, maintaining a calm manner is still important, as an admission may come later.
5. Work Your Case
Let’s say someone doesn’t admit to lying. You need to provide the evidence and then ask them how they can explain how the evidence conflicts with their lie. Most likely, liars will have difficulty maintaining a falsehood in the face of hard evidence, and their facial expressions or mannerisms will prove so. For instance, they won’t look you in the eye, become incredibly angry, or act very nervous and fidgety.
6. Try a Trick
If someone you confront denies lying to you, then try something known as “false fact contribution.” The website 2saveamarriage.com says that false fact contribution is when you offer a falsehood to see if the other person agrees with it. If they do, they are probably lying. Let’s say that your boyfriend says he went to work, and you really suspect he called in so he could spend the day with someone else and didn’t tell you about it, and you believe he is cheating on you. An example of false fact contribution would be where you casually say that you heard of a huge wreck that happened near his work and ask if he had a hard time navigating back and forth to work since it happened on the same street he travels on to his job. If he agrees that it was a nightmare, then you have your proof. Since there was no wreck, it couldn’t have really gotten in his way and he wasn't at work. This is a great last tool to use if you think someone is lying, so keep this in your back pocket because you might need it.
7. Hold Your Ground
Be persistent if the evidence is clear. Don’t let the person run all over you and get away with lying if you know they are, in fact, lying. The liar can be very convincing and deceiving, so either be persistent in your confrontation, or be persistent with your research to dig deeper. If they are chronically lying to you with hardcore evidence, then you need to make a decision about whether or not you want to continue the relationship. If you believe they are lying to prevent hurting you, or for a reason you’re unsure of, pursue investigating and getting them to admit it, as most likely, eventually, you will get them to admit their lie.
Lying to someone is one of the most effective ways to ruin a relationship, but maintaining a life of lying is even worse. Be sure you confront someone the right way by following these steps. It can save you a lot of trouble; trust me, I know! Have you ever confronted anyone who lied to you? How did you do it?
Comments
naipene: but I do need some help with my case.
naipene: I have a different situation whereas I have lied to my boyfriend. not cheating but to get me out of where I was suffering.
Toyia: Some feel they have a Right to lie. Hub feels he lost his money in a divorce, now with me he wants none of HIS income in my name. His federal annuity needed both signatures for him to wirhdraw, he told me WE had to have a bank notary witness our signatures to withdraw money for a house purchase we wanted. When I got to bank, only MY signature was needed as I was signing all rights to him. I signed, knew he lied. Told him I understood what he did, he said we weren't getting the house item either. Why research, a liar doesn't mind lying!
Joanne: Yes, I confronted my b/f when I found an email that he wrote to the "other woman". I haven't given him the opportunity to lie to me ever again!!
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