Respect should be high up your list of priorities and expectations of what you want from your boyfriend/husband. But you can’t just expect it by right. You need to earn it through your actions and personality and not just demand it because you think you deserve it. Of course, this goes both ways, but let’s take a look at some the things you shouldn’t do if you want a man to respect you.
This is one of the things you shouldn't do if you want a man to respect you. It is something you shouldn’t do if you want anybody to respect you! There are so many women that put others first for no reason at all. Why can’t you come first? Why are you always the last to matter by default? Question your female friends and they will give you hundreds of reasons why they put everybody else before themselves: “I want to be nice”, “it's good to be liked”, “it’s mean to be selfish”, “I’m a caring person”, “I hate seeing others suffer”, etc. etc. etc. Do you recognize any of those excuses? None of them are reasons why you cannot put yourself first. Those people you are putting first - why don’t they feel guilty as you should think you should? How come they are “not nice” as you would be if you put yourself first?
This is not a piece of advice saying you should not tease men in a sexual way. Teasing is a way of building arousal, tension and sexual chemistry. Used in a mature and responsible way it can lead to a very intense and satisfying sex life. However! There are some men that are too immature to handle teasing and there are some women that only use teasing as a weapon for their personal amusement. An immature man will react badly to teasing and some will even move towards abuse or even rape because they feel they were being led on and tormented. Use teasing maturely and not as a way of annoying and frustrating men for your own amusement because even a timid and weak man can turn dangerous.
As a woman it is your right to do as you wish within the freedom of the law, but you should understand that certain actions lead to certain presumptions. Some men may presume you wear a lot of makeup because you are insecure. Others may assume it is because you are “easy” or because you are actively seeking sex or a man. Porn stars are caked in makeup because it aligns with presumptions and prejudices that men have. You may find it hard to gain the respect of a man and other women if you plaster yourself with makeup and then walk around claiming you are just being you.
This is not because crying is bad or unhealthy; it is because it is a trait that shows weakness in some men’s eyes. Our culture still insists that a man be strong, and weak men are often viewed as effeminate. Crying is associated with weakness in all but a few cases. If a guy in a movie tries to save his girlfriend and she dies in his arms, then he is allowed to shed a single tear. If a guy in a movie is yelled at by his boss, he is not expected to burst into tears. Do not cry, or at least do not cry in front of men, as it is a sign of weakness (even if the act itself isn’t one of weakness). Tears are not a weapon!
He may use you, he may grow affection for you, but he will never love you if you lead the relationship with sex. You can catch a man with sex, but you can’t keep him. Have sex with a guy to make him love you and you lose his respect. He will soon be taking daytrips to see his ex-girlfriend with whom he is “still friends.”
This is a sign of weakness that both men and women exhibit. You do not have to be proud of your mistakes, but you should own them. You cannot wear them with pride as you may with your achievements, but you can certainly own them with integrity and honor.
He is not the king of the world. He may get into a mood or a strop if you do not play along, but he does that because he doesn’t respect you. Do everything he says--and you give him no “reason” to respect you.
Dress as you wish. If religious attacks and extremists have taught us anything, it is that we should be proud of the freedom we have to dress, act and sing the way we do without the “police of vice and virtue” arresting you for a stoning. Still, if you do dress in a sexy way, then you have to understand that immature men will lust after you and will look at you in an inappropriate way. It is the consequence of your actions as men are visual creatures and you are giving them something to look at. Again, do not be ashamed of your body and dress as sexily as you like, it is your free right to do so, but if you lay meat at your doorstep, do not be surprised if a few dogs come sniffing.
Have you ever seen a woman throw a childish tantrum? Did you respect her when she did? If you have never seen it, then wait in the parking lot of a talent show (X Factor, American Idol etc) and watch the people coming out. A tantrum featuring, “You don’t believe in me” is commonplace outside talent shows.
Some women get their own way with sexual manipulation of men, others cry, others throw tantrums and some raise their voice. If you are the type of woman that has to raise her voice to get what she wants, then you need to stop. It is a very negative feedback loop that is pushing you further and further away from other people. They do not respect you in real life; they simply act that way to shut you up. The more you shout, the less they respect you, so the more you need to shout to get your own way. If you had other peoples’ respect, you wouldn’t have to shout to get your own way.
This has to be the worst idea ever, yet there are so many women out there that do it. There are millions of single mothers out there that thought having a child would improve or rescue a relationship. The worst ones are the ones Judge Judy mentions in her books. She worked in family courts and had hundreds of cases with young women where they said their boyfriend needed a child with her to prove her love and loyalty. If you need to prove your love, then maybe you should start by working on getting a little respect first. Do not have a child to prove you love someone!
Women do this all the time. We do it with celebrities and with friends. It involves comments such as, “I wish I had Jenny’s thighs”, “Beth got job above me because she slept with the boss”, “Her shoes are so much better than mine”, “She‘s got looks, but I‘ve got brains”, “I would do better if I had her figure/ boobs/ ass/ money/ career/ boyfriend…” Comparing yourself to others is a sign of deep-seated insecurity, just as pulling down others is too. Some people will not understand why you compare yourself to others, but the ones that do understand will see what an insecure and pathetic child you are and you will lose “all” the respect that person ever had for you. If you cannot appreciate your own qualities you do not deserve respect.
It is Dave Chappelle (of all people) that said if women were a stock (as in stocks and shares) that their price would be way down. He is not saying that women are cheap or of low value; he is saying that women have seemingly forgotten how amazing we are. Some of us put so little value in ourselves as a person, our thoughts, ideas, opinions and personal power that we make ourselves valueless to both ourselves and the people around us. Stop putting yourself down, especially in front of other people. How can “anybody” respect you if you keep telling them reasons why they shouldn’t?
You should have realized by now that many of these relate not just to having respect from men but also from women. And also remember, respect from others starts with having respect for yourself. I’d love to hear from you about other ways women may not do themselves any favors in gaining respect.
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