Small talk is fine, but if you really want to get people to really like and trust you, there are a few key phrases you can use in conversation to make that happen. Here are a few of them, with a little explanation on why they work so well.
Table of contents:
- i understand what you're saying
- do you know...?
- can you help me...?
- i'm sorry, part 1
- what do you think?
- i trust you
- i'm sorry, part 2
- thank you
1 I Understand What You're Saying
This phrase is really effective if you're disagreeing with someone, whether it's a co-worker, friend, or family member. If you demonstrate that you see their point of view, they're going to be more likely to listen to your opinion later.
2 Do You Know...?
If you're just meeting someone new, establishing that you have a friend in common makes you seem like part of their "tribe," and they'll instantly feel more at ease around you.
3 Can You Help Me...?
By askng for help with something specific, you're making yourself slightly vulnerable, and that exchange will help the other person trust you. In fact, rather than making you look "weak" for needing help, asking for assistance makes you more trustworthy and human.
4 I'm Sorry, Part 1
When you can admit your mistakes and verbalize that you were wrong, the person you've maligned will be able to trust you more, especially if you're sincere, and also ask for forgiveness. Stuck on the word "sorry"? Try saying something like "that was my fault" or "I made a mistake" instead, but do not pass the buck!
When someone's talking to you, be sure to use verbal expressions -- some that aren't necessarily words, even -- to show you're listening and interested. Let your facial expressions change, nod your head, and make eye contact.
6 What do You Think?
Asking for someone else's opinion will make you far more likable than constantly expressing your own. If you heed the other person's advice, they'll also be more inclined to trust you, since you trusted their opinion.
7 I Trust You
While actions do speak much louder than words, often times just telling someone you think they're trustworthy will make them trust you more.
8 I'm Sorry, Part 2
Did you know that apologizing for something difficult that's outside your control -- the horrible traffic, the nasty weather -- can also make you seem more empathetic and trustworthy? Over-apologizing does the opposite though, so use this one sparingly.
9 Thank You
Whether someone's paid you a compliment, or they've helped you with something, it's not just good manners to thank them for it. Appreciating something someone else has done will also help them trust you more... and they're much more likely to do something kind for you or for someone else in the future.
Now think of the most charming person you know. What other things have they said that made you like or trust them? Do tell!
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