Every woman has an inner mean girl, I think. Granted, some of us are better at controlling her than others, but I truly believe that there's a mean girl hiding inside all of us. I have one. I call her Bitch Puddin' and 90 percent of the time, she has control of my personality. My friends like her more than me. Bitch Puddin' tries not to be cruel, however, because I have tamed her over the years. I haven't eliminated her because I kind of really like her, but she's definitely not as vile as she used to be. If you want to get a handle on your inner mean girl, here's the secret.
You are going to be writing down a lot of stuff. You need a place to vent, for one thing. You also need a place to spill all the judgment and vitriol that usually comes flowing out of your inner mean girl. Taming her is hard and you might not want to get rid of her completely. You can give her an outlet, though, a place where she can get rid of all her meanness – that's better than serving it up to the object of her snark, right?
Inner mean girls who are genuinely, unequivocally mean – who judge for the fun of it and indulge in cruelty – do so because they're projecting their own insecurities … which means that you have to deal with your insecurities. This behavior often comes from a place of fear, so remember to embrace love. Don't be a fear pusher.
This sounds cheesy. At first, it will probably feel cheesy, too. You'll get used to it, though. It's worth getting used to because day by day, you'll find more gratitude. You'll have more blessings, more things to be grateful about, and more things that bring you genuine joy and happiness. Those things are all kryptonite to inner mean girls.
You have to atone for your sins of meanness. The best way to do that is by expressing love instead. Do it wherever you can, to whomever you can. You don't have to express it with an “I love you,” either. There are plenty of ways to show your love. Make sure it feels comfortable and authentic, then spread it around.
It's the golden rule for a reason. Every person your secret inner mean girl targets likely has a secret, snarky little imp of their own doing the same thing to you. Do you want to be on the receiving end of that? Then don't make anyone else become the target of your own personal Bitch Puddin'.
Sometimes you have to fight against your own expectations and preconceived notions, especially if they're at the root of your mean girl feelings and behaviors. Take an honest look at yourself, including your faults, flaws, and imperfections. Try to find out what makes you judgmental and mean. What triggers it the most? What causes it?
Doesn't sound fun or easy, and it's not. Of course, you don't have to force yourself to befriend people you don't like. You don't even have to make yourself like everyone, not really. You should force yourself to be polite to everyone, however. Kindness doesn't cost a thing.
Basically, treat people kindly. No one deserves to be on the receiving end of mean girl behavior. The very least you can do is keep it private.
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