All Women's Talk

7 Ways to Be a Lover Not a Fighter ...

By Lezlie

If you are curious about ways to be a lover instead of a fighter, this is the list for you, lady! It's healthy to fight for things and people that are important to you but it's another thing to constantly pick a fight. Here are some key ways that have helped me be a lover, even when I didn't want to be.

1 Be Nice

Be NiceThis may sound obvious but one way to be a loving person is to be nice. You don't have to be fake. Unless you are a natural actress it will be obvious if you are trying to be a lover when you are really in a funky mood. But a great rule of thumb is not to let your feelings dictate how you treat people. When I was in college the movie Mean Girls came out and it made being mean the cool thing to be. But I soon realized that being nice would get me further in life. It's refreshing to be around a genuinely nice woman; anyone can be a wicked witch.

2 Forgive

ForgiveI bring this point up as often as possible because it's something that I have found to be a true key in life. If you can learn to forgive others, even when they don't deserve it, it will transform you into a true lover. It takes love to posture your heart towards forgiveness instead of holding a grudge. Forgiveness is a key that will set you free to receive and give even more love.

3 Be Thoughtful

Be ThoughtfulThink of the sweetest person you know! What makes them so sweet in your eyes? Odds are they are thoughtful towards you and others. I have found that thoughtfulness makes me more empathetic towards others. When you are empathetic you can't help but to love others because you place yourself in their shoes. It's hard to not love someone if you can feel what they are feeling.

4 Hold Your Tongue

Hold Your TongueOh ladies, hold those tongues! I happen to be an introvert by nature so it's part of my makeup to hold my tongue. But there have been times where I have thought out loud before speaking and it's caused misunderstandings. Then again, there have been times where I really thought about what I was going to say and then said it and it still caused a fight. So it's not that being an introvert or an extrovert is better than the other. I'm just sharing that it's always wise to hold your tongue, especially when you are feeling super emotional. Just wait a few minutes and decide if it's really that important to blurt out what is racing through your mind. Words can cut deeply or they can heal.

5 Gratitude

GratitudeLast year I found myself in a real valley in life. I found that I was always complaining about my situation to the people closest to me. One day I was reading some morning inspiration and it mentioned keeping a gratitude journal. I decided to start keeping track of all of the things I had to be grateful for, no matter how small they seemed. And I noticed that after a few days, my entire being changed from feeling depressed and bitter to being truly grateful and hopeful about life. I realized that it was only a season that I was in and that there was still a lot to look forward to. This caused love to spark in my heart again.

6 Stop Competing with Others

Stop Competing with OthersHave you ever taken strength finders? It's a test that narrows down your top 5 strengths. Well, I'm sure you know that your strength can become a weakness if you don't keep it in check. My #1 strength happens to be competition. This helped in sports and sometimes it still helps in life. But I have found that at times I am competing with others around me and this shifts me from being loving to being combative. I think competition can be healthy in its proper place. But what really helped me is shifting from competing with others to competing with myself. I compete with myself by setting healthy goals with deadlines so that I can grow in excellence.

7 Tolerance

ToleranceWe don't have to agree with another person's belief system but it is an act of love to treat them as you would treat any other human being that you love. All people are worthy of love because all people are created equal. One of the greatest examples of love is to show unconditional love to another person who is different than you. Most of us would cringe at the thought of considering one group of people less than another group based on differences. But you may be surprised at hidden judgement in your heart. Take some time to really reflect on where you stand towards all people. If you find that a certain group makes you tense, ask yourself why and consider learning more about them and how you can grow in love towards them. This has helped me over the years.

I'm sure you hear the word love thrown around constantly. We love our coffee, we love our boyfriend, we love our new pair of sunglasses. I'm always reflecting on what true love is and how I can grow more in this area. I would love to hear if you have other ways that have helped you transform from a fighter to a lover.

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