As a woman it’s easy to spend a lot of time analyzing yourself, wanting to better yourself and looking to change things you don’t like about yourself, and I think that in doing this it’s easy to overlook the reasons you are who you are. It’s right that any of us is on a quest for self improvement, but maybe it’s not focusing on the right things and that sometimes the reasons that you are who you are glossed over or not given due consideration. That isn’t to say those reasons mean things can’t change or shouldn’t be changed. Au contraire, if you understand the reasons you are who you are, it makes it easier to work on what you might want to change and how. Don’t they always say you should tackle at the source?
This is one of the less well known reasons you are who you are, and why? Because, it is form of control that women seem preprogrammed to follow. Here is how it works: a woman is conditioned from a very young age to please others. She is told she is pretty, and therefore pleasing to others (unless she lives in a house of mirrors). She is taught manners which are enforced more heavily than for men. If a boy burps then boys will be boys (cheeky little buggers, etc), but if a girl burps then she has been brought up wrong and is unladylike.
How does this make you who you are? It determines how easily you are dominated, and is the reason there are so many double standards. If a man does not cry then he is strong, if a woman does not cry then she is cold. A man is a leader, a woman is a control freak, a man is a stud, and a woman is a slut (you get the idea). The more inclined you are to please others as a result of this conditioning is what makes you who you are.
Not sure if this is true? It starts at puberty/teens. When do women have their midlife crisis, at age 40? 4 x 7 years +12 years old = 40. Ever wondered where the term the seven year itch comes from? It occurs when the man and woman do not evolve (change) in the same way over the same time, leading to them breaking up.
If you are still undecided as to whether this matters, then ask yourself if you have ever stayed in a job longer than 7 years, or longer than 14? Funny, how it happens in sevens. If you are not promoted within seven years then you tend to go looking elsewhere. When did you have kids? Was it around the ages of 19, 26, or 33? Think about it.
Some of us never learn from our mistakes because we take too much comfort in what we know. We go for the wrong partner because we like to be with someone who is not interested and distant because it gives us something to aim for. Some of us still suffer the whims of our children and perpetuate their bad behavior because it seems easier than learning from the mistake. How quickly you learn from your mistakes will always be what makes you who you are.
Some people take comfort in suffering. It is a constant that is easy to manage because it often means you can feel sorry for yourself (which is fun), and gives people the opportunity to treat themselves. The people you know who seem permanently miserable are that way because they like it. It is self indulgence at its most prominent, and making you a victim is very easy. There are people in this world who are true victims, and they would never describe themselves as victims.
If you have no hopes, no goals, and nothing to strive for, then that is who you are (pretty empty).
Blaming others is related to point number 4 because it is a classic “I’m a victim” maneuver. You didn’t get the promotion because your boss fancies the person he promoted, your lover cheats on you because all men are scum, your kids do badly at school because the teachers hate your family. Blame others all the time and it makes you into one of many miserable rabble who skulk around the earth waiting to fall off.
This is a big factor in the reasons you are who you are. Failure and hardship does not build character. That is a lie perpetuated by people who want to stay lonely at the top. A homeless person very rarely has a great character, nor does a war veteran who has had to scrape his friends into body bags. Success is what builds character, and is a big part of who you are. Some people take it too far. They will have success in their younger life, and 15 years later they will be driving around in their now old but luxury car, still wanting to relive their old success a little longer. Your successes, your wins and the times you came first are what makes you who you are.
There are other over-reaching factors that contribute to the reasons you are who you are – such as parents, peers, social circle, role models, the media, but these influences all manifest and play out in the above. Have you ever given much thought to this? Do you think understanding this will help you make decisions about yourself going forward?