Even though people often mistake being assertive with being aggressive or with being passive, you should know that assertiveness refers to the ability of expressing one’s desires while respecting the needs of others; this way, you will have a better chance of getting what you want and deserve. By being assertive, you’ll be able to communicate your needs in a way that is fair to both yourself and to others. You will learn how to establish clear boundaries and how to communicate your ideas respectfully and clearly. Here are 7 things that assertive people never say that you should consider:
1. “Yes, of Course I’ll do That”
Accepting to do something even though you don’t want or you don’t have enough time to do it, is definitely something that someone who knows how to to be assertive would never say. This is in fact one of the key characteristics of a doormat. Even though saying “No, I can’t help you.” or “I don’t have time to do it.” can be hard sometimes, it’s one of those things that you need to do if you want to feel better about yourself.
2. “What I Want is Not Important.”
An assertive individual would never say this because they know that their desires are important and they would always do what makes them happy. You do have a right to ask for what you want and you can do this in an assertive manner. This way, you will respect both your needs and other people’s needs too.
3. “It’s My Way or the Highway.”
Usually when people are trying to avoid being passive, instead of acting in a more assertive manner, they tend to act in an aggressive way. Assertiveness means expressing your desires and needs while respecting the needs of others as well. Just think of yourself as being in a team with the people around you and think about how you can solve that problem so you can all win.
Even though you may feel a bit uncomfortable when you find yourself in a certain situation, you should still say what’s on your mind; of course, in an assertive manner. Saying nothing is not a good solution because people will tend to neglect your needs and they will step all over you.
5. “I Don’t Need Any Help”
Assertive people are not afraid of asking for help. By admitting that you need help from others, you invite them to see your needs and to get to know you a little better. This doesn’t mean that you are being passive, because you are in fact trying to reach your goals and you are taking action by asking others to help you.
6. “I Don’t Really Need a Raise.”
If you often think that you need a raise, it’s probably because you feel like you don’t earn what you are worth. Don’t be afraid, if you think that you deserve a higher salary, just go and talk to your boss and ask for a raise. If you get shot down, ask if you can revisit the topic of your performance in six months.
7. “I Don’t Know if That’s Okay with Me”
Letting others know that you don’t know what to think about a specific situation, will give them tacit permission to decide for both of you. Instead, you could ask for some time to think about it so you can form an objective opinion about that thing.
It’s not that hard to learn how to be more assertive. You just need to put in a little effort, have some patience and practice a lot. Do you know any other things that assertive people would never say? Please share your thoughts with us in the comments section!