7 Ways to Deal with the Chronic Complainer in Your Life ...

By Alicia

Do you have a chronic complainer in your life? Most of us do, at least from time to time. It may be a classmate, a coworker or a family member. It’s good to know some strategies to deal with a chronic complainer. It helps you to not feel trapped by their endless complaining when they get on a roll; you know that you can use one of these strategies to deal with them.

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1

Listen to Them

One thing you can do to deal with the chronic complainer in your life is just listen. Maybe all they want is to be heard. We all want to be heard, don’t we? They may not have anyone else that they can talk to but you. You don’t have to agree with everything they’re saying to be listening. It could be that once they know someone is truly listening that they’ll stop their complaining.

2

Give Them Sympathy

Sometimes a chronic complainer is after sympathy. They just want someone to understand what they’re going through. It could be that their lot in life really is rough. What seems like a chronic complainer really may be a person going through a difficult situation in their life. Your sympathy may help them to deal with their situation better.

3

Empathize

It’s always good to practice empathy, or thinking of how you’d feel if you were in their place. Empathy can help you to be more patient with the chronic complainer. Once you start thinking of the problem they’re complaining about with empathy, you may view them differently. It could be that you’d complain if you were in their situation, too. Thinking about the problem from their point of view is a good step.

4

Offer Solutions

You can offer solutions to a chronic complainer. Give them some suggestions on how to handle the problems they’re complaining about. You never know, they may take your advice. They also may not and continue to complain. But once you’ve offered them some solutions, they may not complain to you anymore if they chose not to take your advice because they know you feel they should do something to solve the problem.

5

Change the Subject

Sometimes you just can’t deal with the endless complaining anymore. That’s understandable. If you’re at this point, change the subject when the chronic complainer starts to complain. You might offer a small comment to acknowledge what they said and then quickly talk about something else. This should give them the hint that you really don’t want to listen to their complaints.

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6

Share Your Problems

Sometimes a chronic complainer can use a reality check. Share some of your problems with them. It can remind them that other people have struggles, too. It’s a good way to politely interrupt their complaining. You never know, it could help bring them out of their complaining streak when they see that everyone has problems.

7

Limit Contact

If you’ve tried all of these other ideas and you haven’t had any success then you really don’t have any choice but to limit contact with the chronic complainer in your life. It’s good to set limits on how much time you spend with a person so negative. Being around someone like that constantly can bring you down. Figure out how much time you can reasonably handle spending with them. You might be able to deal with them on occasion but not on a daily basis

These are 7 ways you can deal with a chronic complainer. Do you have a chronic complainer in your life? What’ve you found works best in dealing with them?

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Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

It's better to ignore them ,

My BFF complains about the same thing over and over again. I've been listening to the same story or different variation of the same story for over a year. Her husband is a gambling addict and has lost all their money MORE than once and she still allows him to gamble. I feel her love for materialistic items has clouded her judgment and she has 2 small children too that are suffering the most. When her husband did win big he bought her a Chanel purse and wallet, several Louis Vutton purses, and other extravagant gifts. When he lost all their money a 2nd time and wouldn't stop gambling I suggested selling her handbags in order to purchase groceries and buy Christmas presents for the kids and also pay her car payment on a her BRAND NEW car. She told me she wasn't ready to separate from the Chanel bag yet. She has talked about leaving her husband but refuses to get a job AND she won't sell anything. She complains to so many people that other people are starting to give her money. It's hard to keep listening to same thing over and over again when she won't do anything herself to better the lives of her kids and herself. I've even offered to help her make money by working with her on items to sell on etsy but every time I came over to work on the items, she stayed on her phone and never helped once. And we're suppose to be best friends, she hasn't asked me how I'm doing or my family in MONTHS!! I feel awful for complaining about this, but how do you help someone when they refuse to do anything to help themselves or they come up with excuse after excuse? I love her so much and I'd do anything for her and I have, it's just hard to listen to someone you love complain about things in their life that they can change and won't. She's such a smart and beautiful woman and I hate that she doesn't see herself that way and what's worse is her little girl is seeing all of this too. All I can do now is continue to pray for her and her family.

@angie- that was such a sweet response... It is so wonderful to hear how much you care about this woman.. She is very lucky to have you! Negativity is very difficult to deal with, since it's apart like a virus - especially jn the workplace! BUT, you don't live with her so you are probably more tolerant to manage her negativity; however, it doesn't make it lest frustrating. Never lose your caring spirit because you never know the amazing impact you have on others!

I have someone like this in my life. I tell them that they can't complain every time we hangout because I can't handle that. But I do listen and offer advice when I see it as appropriate.

It's better to ignore them ,

I have a close friend like this in my life . I've tried all these things plus lovingly talked to her when she comes to me with the same situational problem that places her as a victim playing that victim role. She's one of my best friends & I love her but I told her with love that I will listen to her as much as it takes as long as she takes some suggestions to improve or solve difficult ,emotional, painful situations I can see objectivity are taking her down & will ultimately destroy her life could even leave her without a home. I love her! She has allowed her or two of her 3 adult children w/addiction problems especially the youngest suck so much money out of her it's pitiful but I suggested n suggested until I started saying things I don't think u should say to anyone about how to handle her son. So I made amends to her for that but set a new I think healthier boundaries on our relationship. I said if u are not willing to keep the things he asks u for knowing his momma is 63yrs old & is looking more n more frail & broke but still works as an LPN nurse & weighs about 100lbs soaking wet! So to ignore someone in that type pain would be so unloving, too tough, & thinking that I may not handle things that way. Truth is we or I speak for myself only don't throw away people like they are a piece of trash or some worthless item. If you have been in a painful situation in ur life n have put different actions & boundaries to it & the end result turned out great Share that! Otherwise it's best not to say well I wouldn't ever do that or put up with that. You might not them again u may find yourself in the same situation or a similar one & do exactly what she has done. So be slow to criticize that's just speaking from a personal experience of mind. And no one is immune we are human beings. If we lose our compassion for other then we are a world that is non compassionate, superficial, & without sympathy or empathy!

It's better to ignore them ,

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