During my reading adventures I've come across a myriad of material, addressing areas such as how to be a good woman "for a man" and things a woman should be or should do to become "Ms. Right." But what if you just want to better yourself for you? Here are my 10 Commandments For Being A Fabulous Female.
Believe in yourself and know your value. People have their own opinions, and not everyone is going to like you or agree with you - but that's okay! They will create their lives on their own terms and you will create your life on your own terms. Look in the mirror and smile. Now, give a little wave! You see that person waving back at you? That's your real soulmate! Love who you are - for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, in makeup and without, in shape or with some extra pounds, to love and to cherish as long as you live.
Have you ever been in the presence of a gorgeous/talented/intelligent woman and automatically your mind kicked into jealousy mode? Oh, yes it has! As has mine. You begin to think, "she may be gorgeous but she must have some other flaws somewhere! BUT WHERE?! Maybe she isn't that intelligent/kind/funny. Maybe she looks less pretty without makeup on." It's ridiculous, isn't it - the thought that in order for you to be great someone else has to be worse? Jealousy affects us all, but it shouldn't get the better of us. I've always been a big believer in supporting and liberating fellow females - it's hard enough out there as it is without turning on each other. You need to be confident enough to celebrate the fabulousness of women - cause come on, women are amazing! There's this mindset that "if I have more, you have less, and if you have more, I have less". That is simply not true. Get rid of the idea that you're in constant competition with other women, and stop comparing yourself. Tearing a woman down does nothing, but raising her up creates a liberated connection that all women will benefit from. Share the abundance - there's enough to go around! It's not about who's prettiest, smartest, funniest, coolest - because there's always going to be someone else in line who is, or who is perceived that way depending on who you ask. What it is about is celebrating ALL women, including yourself. If you're too busy being happy and positive with yourself then it's really difficult to get down on and be negative about someone else. The only real flaw is an ugly mind and an ugly way of thinking. Stand tall and stand up for all women!
You've got to manifest and focus your personal potential. Your personal vision of who you are has to be greater than who's on your arm! A relationship is an equal partnership of two whole people coming together. Somewhere along the line this idea of needing to find the "other half" to be "complete" came to be. You are not a half person! You've got to be happy on your own first before you can be happy with and bring happiness into someone else's life. A relationship will not be successful if you can't exist independently of it. It isn't designed for you to lose yourself. A relationship is supposed to compliment your life, not be your life. "Single" has gotten a bad rap, but single can be awesome! Settling for someone just to say you "have someone" is the real abomination. You DO have someone! You have yourself, you always will, and that's enough. If you're single, focus less on engagement to a partner and more on engagement of self-discovery. If you're in a relationship, remember to remember yourself. A deeper love of yourself will resonate a deeper love of your partner. Believe in yourself and you will attract what you deserve, and what you deserve is unconditional, real love from within and without.
Negativity is quite a trickster! It can creep into our lives through events, encounters, relationships, even our own thoughts! See? Sneaky! But even though you know negativity very well and you've both gotten very close, it's time to escort it to the door and show it out! Negativity is a strong force. It has power, and it lives. It's scarier than any monster under the bed or boogie man because we can actually become it. The longer you allow negativity to rent out space in your mind, the sooner it will become a permanent occupant. What you project will reflect back at you, so project positivity. Actively decide that you will not accept negativity into your life. Say "goodbye" to toxic relationships. Walk away from toxic situations. Silence toxic thoughts. If something or someone is bringing you down, you have absolutely every right to say "no. I do not accept this", and leave the situation. Feel the freedom of a positive, happy life, and be thankful that you have the choice to do so!
Even if you're walking through life wearing Louboutin's, you're still gonna trip and fall once in awhile. There will always be ups and downs, and highs and lows - everyone experiences both sides of the coin. You may lose your balance, feel like a failure and be harder on yourself than the actual fall. But success isn't measured by how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up again. You are a success every day that you decide to get up and face yourself. Think of all of the missteps that made you work harder, stand taller, fight stronger, and last longer. If you're still here, if you're still trying, you haven't failed. Don't be afraid of falling or you'll never learn how to fly.
Life is too short to be constantly reapplying your mascara! Feel free to cry, but most situations aren't worth your tears, so lighten up on yourself and laugh a little. Heck, laugh a lot! It's contagious - the good kind! The next time something unpleasant or stressful happens ask yourself, "how will this affect me in one week? One month? One year?" The obstacles you face will usually seem bigger in the present moment than they actually are. Something as insignificant as burning dinner or a date not returning your call, or even something more significant like a breakup or being passed over for a job, may feel like the end of the world now, but will be trivial in the future. Finding humour during a dark time can be the flashlight that guides you through to where the real light shines. And don't be afraid to ask for help when you're in a dark place - or even if you're in a light but confused place! People need people to guide and inspire them. I love surrounding myself with great, talented people because I love being motivated by their presence and learning from them. Always keep your eyes and ears open. Learn from your mistakes and try again, and if that doesn't work try another way. There's always another way.
I feel like I should put on a disguise while writing this because, ladies I am definitely guilty of this one! I think many of us are. Okay, I've accessorized myself with the Groucho Marx glasses/nose/mustache combo, I shall now continue! You need to show up before you're ready. And by that I don't mean you should head to work in your bathrobe with your hair in a towel! It's a figurative way of saying, don't wait to become your version of perfect before you get off your sweet behind and go for your goals! Don't get stuck in the "when" trap - "I'll pursue my dreams WHEN; I lose 10 pounds, I have more time, I have more money", and so on. Absolutely nothing will progress until you do something about it. I'm reminded of something I heard Tony Robbins say once. He said, "Change is automatic. Progress is not." If you wait around until the "right time" you may run out of time altogether! Change is inevitable. Seasons will change, you will grow older, and the clock will tick on without you doing anything. But progress is something you have to work on. People will never be perfect. We're perfectly imperfect. So, if you're waiting around to achieve perfection, let's just say, you'll be waiting a long while. And isn't it just an excuse because you're scared? The only way to achieve something great is to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself "out there", and that can be scary. But isn't living your life regulated by fear sabotaging your dreams scarier? The ability to progress is in your hands, and your hands alone. The comforting thing is, that's the way it is for everyone. So though you may be alone in the pursuit of your dreams, so is everyone else in the pursuit of theirs, so you're not really alone after all. All you can do is live one moment at a time and realize that you are enough RIGHT NOW, and good things will happen, because you have the ability RIGHT NOW to make it so.
Body shame and sexual expectations need to be kicked to the curb! You need to appreciate and accept your body - you can bring life into the world after all! Let go of the sexual hang ups and pressure you put onto yourself and create a loving connection with your body. Celebrating your sexuality does not have to involve a partner. In fact, I believe your "first time" should be with yourself, and that the foundation of all sexual relationships should be rooted in self-love, self-respect and self-pleasure. Your sexual power needs to literally be in your own hands before anyone else's hands, (or anything else), is involved! Whether with a partner or on your own, healthy sexual expression requires a constant flow of open verbal and physical communication. Listen to your body and don't be afraid to voice your wants and needs.
Know who you are without any labels. You have roles in your life that you play, but they are just stops along the way. Sometimes roles change, but that shouldn't change who you ultimately are as a person. If your identity lies in being Joe or Jane's "girlfriend", or if your identity lies in being a career woman and you're laid off or broken up with, then suddenly you've lost who you are! Don't base your identity and worth on something or someone that can be taken away from you. Identify with your soul. What do YOU love for you? What inspires you? What drives you? What brings you joy? Who is the real you deep down inside? Take some time to yourself in a quiet place to think and that figure out. When you're in solitude you'll find that finally you'll be in a place silent enough to hear your own voice. Listen in and check back in frequently. You are the train moving through stations of your life that will constantly change - know what fuels you. Know yourself.
You don't have to have it all to give all you can. Identify what causes you are passionate about and start exerting your strength to give back to your community. There are many different kinds of non-profit organizations you can take part in. If you don't want to become a former volunteer you can always practice daily random acts of kindness. Help someone with their bags, open a door, give someone your seat. Even a small gesture can have a big impact. Everyone benefits from acts of selflessness. Making others feel fabulous will make you feel fabulous too.
Incorporating these commandments into your life and making them habitual will make you well on your way to being the Fabulous Female you should and can be. I know you can do it! Do you have any other suggestions for being a Fabulous Female?